Breathe Deep & Let it All Go

We hold onto the pain like a badge of honor, scars on our heart that fade, but that are not easily forgotten. Words spoken, abuse, neglect, I’ll let you fill in the blank. We all have issues asking out loud, “Do you see me?”
And if by chance we allow our pain to be visible to others and if we want our pain to be acknowledged in a way that makes us feel justified…would we cease in crying about it? Probably not, not until we are ready to let go of the hurt we hold inside, whether self-imposed or inflicted by others. Even now I feel a pain in my chest as I remember, as I long to let go, as I pray once again to forgive.
With God there is that clean slate, a prayer of forgiveness and then He remembers it no more. How sweet a thought! But, we are not God. We sometimes have to forgive, remember that we are in fact forgiven, and then repeat as often as necessary. The truth is we many never forget certain things, but God help us to change our thinking at the way we look at hurt from up close when the wounds are no longer fresh. So I breathe in, I still remember, God help me to let go. We are not victims of yesterday, we are victors today because we choose to let go of the pain to embrace a brighter future.
“For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper and not to harm.” (Jeremiah 1:9)
When I look back over my life, I feel certain that I spent a majority of my life trying to be something that I wasn’t. Perfect. I wasted countless hours fretting over what others may think of me and if I might have said something to offend the looking eyes fixed on me. I am a natural born pleaser always seeking to make others happy. A few traumatic experiences, heartache, and the loss of two babies caused me to take a deeper look inside as the voice of God hovered over me saying, “Even I am not calling you to this idea of perfection.” It is completely unnecessary for God himself delights in using the foolish things of this of this world to confound the wise.

I long only to please an audience of One. Only Him, everything else will fall beautifully in place.

God didn’t create me for perfection; He created me to have a relationship with Him. That I would learn the true nature of my Abba Father by spending time with Him, sitting at His feet to drink Him in instead of chasing after the ridiculous ideas of being the perfect wife and pastor’s wife. (Gag.) Something that I would never, ever attain; how incredibly dull a life. It is no longer the life I seek after; I like the quirky side of me that takes a greater joy in being the one my friends need to make them laugh.

Martha, Martha, why do you trouble yourself with things that do not matter? Take a piece of carpet space right next to the Master’s feet and learn what it really means to be the ideal Proverbs 31 woman.