I am extremely affectionate. I have always been this way, but even more so now that I have little ones running around the house. There is nothing like kissing their little faces, it can brighten the darkest day for me. The minute I laid eyes on Miss Whitley I experienced a love that I had never known, complete, unreserved, all consuming unconditional love.
She was what my mothering heart was longing for, a daughter of my own. She was a tiny version of me; same lips, shaped eyes, nose, and a head full of dark hair. And she was mine. After battling infertility, losing two babies, and going through treatment to get healthy God answered my “Hannah’s prayer.” Whitley screamed her head off for four solid months, but never had I been any happier and more in love with this little thing that consumed my every moment and thought.
One night I was wrapped up in baby heaven just soaking her in, kissing those lips, and squeezing every roll of baby fat she had. I noticed Jonathan watching me, “Are you jealous?” I asked.
“Only of the way she looks at you,” he said.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, he was jealous of the way I looked at her. The bond was undeniable. Life was changing and unfolding as we took on new roles as mommy and daddy.
When Whitley was a year old and two months, we decided it was time for another baby. I knew that with my health I had only a small window and I desperately wanted another baby. I just had to experience life growing within one more time.
It happened so fast, baby number two on the way and a brand new role as lead pastors. We were thrilled and scared to death all at the same time.
Elise came into the world much differently than Whitley. Her birth was less stressful because of the planned c-section. I can remember hearing her little cry for the first time. I was laughing and crying at the same time. As the tears streamed down my face I felt the anesthesiologist wipe away my tears. I remember thinking, well isn’t that sweet of him, perhaps he was worth the big bucks were paying him.
And then they showed Elise Claire to me, all 9 lbs 14 oz of her. Black curly hair and the fattest cheeks I had ever seen on a newborn…it was amazing. Elise completely skipped newborn sizes. I remember thinking, this kid doesn’t need breast milk…she needs a hamburger. And once again the flood of unconditional love happened…just because she was mine. I couldn’t wait to figure her out and introduce her to Whitley.
The unconditional love that I have for my children cannot even touch the unconditional love that our Heavenly Father has for you and me. He is jealous for us, for all of us, every fiber and facet of who we are. I’m grateful for the joy of knowing a love like this and for the joy of being loved so much.
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