Many months ago I wrote about the perpetual state of letting go. I wrote that piece with a pain in my heart and tears streaming down my face. Letting go was hard and I’ll admit that I wasn’t very good at it. But, it had to be done. I had to move on, turn the page, and start fresh. We get used to certain things remaining the same, certain people becoming permanent fixtures in our lives. Life becomes familiar and pleasant; we like the comfort of knowing what tomorrow might possibly look like. And then change happens. Life happens. And we have to deal.
I can’t believe that it was almost a year ago when I thought my heart would never heal. I know, what a complete drama queen, right? Somehow I know that I’m not the only one with a flair for dramatics, especially with two little miniature versions of myself running around my house in tutu’s and sparkly tiaras.
I would say that the season of “letting go” of the death grip I had on familiarity and the season of “waiting” rank pretty high on my hate list. Maybe hate is a strong word, so strike that and add in dislike. It just sounds nicer.
Wait: to remain until something expected happens, to be ready, to remain undone.
Waiting for what your heart longs for is one of the hardest things imaginable, but the desperation that comes from losing heart and giving up on a dream is shattering. When faith fades life becomes colorless and bland. I have been in that place of waiting for what seems like forever and I am certain that there is always deeply rooted purpose in that season of waiting. Like Jacob wrestling with God for a blessing and refusing to let go, like Hannah’s desperate prayer begging to experience life growing within, like Joseph the dreamer locked in cell, we remain undone and unfinished until He says so. We wait with purpose and we rest in God alone until we are ready. We must wait with hope rising up within instead of the bitterness that comes with losing heart.
“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!”
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” (Lam 3:222-26)
Ps 104: 27 says, “These all wait for You, that You may give them their food in due season.”
Oh Lord, I remain hopefully undone until You say so. I would rather wait on You than find my own way. Your ways are so much higher, Your wisdom so much greater, Your love sustaining, all consuming and overwhelming.
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I so needed this today. Years ago a good friend told me I reminded her of Joseph, a dreamer that was often misunderstood by those around me. It stinks being locked in the prison cell with all these dreams in my heart. I need to remember to trust God's timing, and to learn the lesson he has for me in the in-between.
ReplyDeleteJoseph is one of my favorites! I completely identify with him...being a dreamer, trying to figure out why it takes so long for certain things to unfold, feeling like you are locked up, misunderstood, & held back.
ReplyDeleteThat's probably why I feel an instant connection with ya, Keri! Kristan was just talking about what a gifted speaker you are...I can't wait to hear you. Can I be your worship leader like Trav is for Beth, or your Big Ron/body guard?! ;)