Rug Burn

Recently I had the rug jerked out from underneath my feet. I often try to think the best of others until they prove me wrong. I’m painfully optimistic about feeling like love is enough and that love covers a multitude of sins. I try to give others the benefit of the doubt and hope they will do the same for me. I am not easily offended or easily angered. It truly takes a lot to tick me off, but once I’m mad. I’m mad.

A week ago I felt like I had the worst rug burn ever from rejection. As if being knocked down isn’t bad enough…just go ahead and drag us across a sandpaper rug and leave us raw. The rejection wasn’t aimed at me. It was aimed at my man. So I took his offense as my own and carried it until the sting wore off. I went from grieving a loss of someone I dearly loved to anger in a matter of minutes. As confused tears began streaming down my face Jonathan explained the situation to me, background details, and did his best to help me process everything. He handled the hurt beautifully. I didn’t. I was ticked and I knew that with my husband I didn’t have to be guarded. I could just let the frustration spill out.

He said, “Jennifer, I’m okay with this.”

“Well, I’m not!” I wasn’t okay with it and I couldn’t fake it.

Later he came back into the room. I’m certain that I was still stewing. He hugged me and said, “Thank you for being offended for me.”

It was sweet. He needed to know that someone had his back and that person is me. I told him that I’m his biggest fan and even when we are experiencing a disconnect because of our crazy schedules and the fact that he is on steroids, easily angered, and has the appetite of three line backers…I still love him, I’m still on his side, and I’m the girl cheering the loudest for him. I just love him and even though he is wearing me out, I just keep on bringing him plates of food. (Wink)

Tonight I read Psalm 91. His word nourishes my thirsty soul. No one can love me like He does. I need a spiritual attitude adjustment, I’m painfully aware of that. I long to stay soft and moldable in the Potter’s Hands and yet sometimes it’s not His hands that I feel wrapped around my neck.

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, My God, In Him I will trust.” (Ps 91:1-2)

“He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler.” (vs 4)

In a time when I feel like my protective mode is in high gear and feel myself wanting to push people away instead of embracing them, I must lift my eyes to where my help comes from without question. My help comes from Him, the maker of the heavens and earth. He alone is my shield so I’m running to His secret place, seeking His shadow, not to just hide but to find rest.

Psalm 121 verses 1- 4 say “I will lift up my eyes to the hills- From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved, He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.”

So I will rest in the God that never slumbers or becomes weary from my petitions. What a great God!