Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Abysmal

Oh girls, have you ever written something that you just knew was God-ordained? Well, I just started the book I have always wanted to write and I’m a little terrified at just how personal I am getting. After all, so much of what we put on paper is more about what we don’t say or are too afraid to say.

Look, let’s be painfully real with one another. I don’t care what you posted as your facebook or tweet quip. You can write “I’ve had the best day with my perfect children and my perfect life,” while you cry into your half-eaten pop tart because your four-year-old told you that you’re the worst mom ever.

We only write things that make us look good, don’t we? Welp, I’m so not writing things that will just make you marvel at how I’m wise beyond my years because if you know me at all, then you know that I delight in being an abysmally, if not mildly entertaining, person. How I tackle most things in my life is with tears every now and then, a lot of prayer, and a gentle mix of humor and coca cola classic to take the edge off of bang-your-head-against-the-wall moments.

I guess that is why I am so excited about this new project because I deeply despise fake and made up perfection. If you see me on Sunday and you just think, “Wow, she must have ironed her pants (which is scandalous on Sunday mornings) and really made an effort.” Then I’m going to be a little disappointed because I want you to see the messiness of me and that it’s a complete miracle that I actually have a little curl in my hair and bags under my eyes that I worked really hard to cover up to no avail. I want you to see me as a real woman with a heart after God.

When I pray over friends that I deeply love in the altars that are trying with desperation to hold onto their marriage, I identify with their pain because I have yet to have the perfect marriage. Newsflash, none of us do but somewhere between falling in love and a deep commitment to ‘til death do us part’ or whatever I said almost twelve years ago, we remind ourselves that life is sweeter when we give love away even if we never get all that we have ever dreamed of in return…like the big, awesome Mother’s day gift we’ve always dreamed of, but your man will never think to buy you in advance even if you circle it on the magazine and practically draw him a map to the store.

The man I chose and God chose is stuck with me…sorry babe. I’ve started walking and jogging on the rare occasion that if he tries to leave me by foot, I will catch him, pounce on him, and wrestle him to the ground with my brute force. And that last statement alone is why I started writing fiction, but just can't break away from what I really want to share with you. BTW,Why can’t I be five-four and powerful?

(If you read this, use abysmal in your facebook post and then post something horribly lame that you did today and make a comment on my blog to give me a good laugh. Seriously, I need a GOOD LAUGH .)

I love you guys!

6 comments:

  1. Jennifer, I just read your post while sitting in my jammies, drinking a Coca-Cola classic, with breakfast--and oh wait, last night's late-night snack--dishes all over the counter and sink, and my kids parked in front of Caillou. Is that even how you spell it?? Real women unite! :)

    love ya, girl
    -chelsea

    P.S. It's 12:30, and I haven't even started lunch yet. Coke counts as lunch, right? Now what to feed the kids...

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  2. OK - I just posted the most lame thing I have done so far today. I have so many to choose from and will probably top the sweet potato before the day ends! Keep the blogs coming!! Jeanette

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  3. This is way too much fun! Love it.

    Chelsea~I'm fresh out of soda! Headed to the store right NOW! ;)

    Jeanette~I can't wait to read what you posted on FB!!

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  4. Several weeks ago your hubby told the story of the bucket being kicked over and all the marbles being scattered. Well, my confession is... I'm an empty bucket. That's hard to say, it's hard to confess that we are empty, that we have nothing to give.
    Jennifer, I want you to know that your transparancy is healing to me. You're filling me back up by letting me know I don't have to have it all together.
    Thank you!

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  5. Keri,
    This winter I was nothing but an empty bucket with nothing to offer. (I hate that feeling.) You have been doing ministry for so long, poured out and used up,and now it's your time to be ministered to!

    P.S. I need an writing partner who holds me accountable...I thought about you on Sunday since you're a writer too!

    love,
    Jennifer

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  6. Love this post! It has a feel like a cadence! Love you girl!

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